a place to read problems and forget about your own

So, a few days since my last blog and I’ve realised that i may not get readers but this writing is good for me. If anyone is out there an reading this I’m sorry for putting you through this boring information of my life.

Sometimes i feel as if I just have too much drama in my life or maybe i cause it because if there is always a drama people wont see through all the lies. I guess at times i feel like all i am is just one big lie, I’m not real. The girl people like isn’t me it’s a mask. A mask of lies. I claim to be so different, so talentd so much better than i really am.

So to cover up the guilt of all the lies i am I cause drama I guess so that way people have something else to focus on. I nevr cause drama between people just in my own life. I put people down to be accepted but the sad thig is i was accepted by my friends and peers years ago. I put people down so I can be accepted by myself. I still havnt accepted myself. It could possibly be one of the most worst feelings in the world.

A lie is like a car, you have to keep fuel in it to keep it going. It’s a lie on top of another lie, until all you’re left with is a big tangled web of lies.

‘Jesus’ and I are finally talking and well I for one am being honest completely see through because he needs to know how much i am hurting. I asked him to tell me he still cares, tell me i still matter I know it’s stupid but I needed to hear it, i just needed to hear it.

I know I can b happy without him, I have before but when i got the reply saing ‘im sorry i cant do that’ my heart shattered even more I feel so lost.

I’m going to be okay I am! I have too! I will be!

He is not my life. I won’t let him be.

I’m me, me is me.

That’s it.

I don’t need him to be me.

I am important and loved.  I matter!

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